i think i'm a terrible girlfriend. I think i am the world's worst girlfriend. Ok, stop nodding your heads. You were supposed to be my friend.

so what's w the revelation suddenly, you ask? well. the boyfriend. the title was supposed to throw you off about my own humility. in fact it's all about my lousy boyfriend.

i need a man with more ambition. you see, my philosophy of life is that there will be a better tomorrow. I think humans cannot live once they lose hope. And my hope is that there is a better life tomorrow, things will get better, things will change for the better etc. And the reason why I stuck w the man for so long is because I always thought the situation would get better with him. but he is a man with no ambition. THai men are like that. not all of them granted, but most. And he just happens to be one. he's happy where he is, of course extra money would be nice, of course getting a better title would be nice, but does he do anything to lead to that? no. he sits on his skinny arse working it off but he doesn't plan for anything. i don't care that he cannot buy me diamonds, a car or a house. but a nice gift every now and then would be nice. but no. never. nah-ah. nil. neh. nudda. nought. nenenenenever. i can be materialistic if i allow myself. but this is just one girl's small little wish. that he thought about me every now and then to pamper me with a memento.

now I keep hoping a better man would come along. and i can only sit on my fat arse hoping it works out. i like men who are impossible to have. i like successful socially inept guys. i need an older, bigger sized guy. I need to stop wasting his and my time.

As an afterthought, it's not that i dump unrealistic expectations on him. what exasperates me is the fact that he doesn't even try. Tell him to ask for a higher salary (when he got a new job offer) but he was like, no need lah, they will NEVER give it to me. Like you know for sure without trying??!! It's exasperating. If he doesn't have the drive to even try to better his circumstances, then how can I expect this guy to take care of me??

I need someone more compaitable.

And when I say don't call, it doesn't mean you don't call at all. Just don't call within the next one hour cooling down period. Don't you understand the language of women???